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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29079315">words i can(not) say</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/unacaritafeliz/pseuds/unacaritafeliz'>unacaritafeliz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, Rated T for language, Sharing a Bed, letter writing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:35:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29079315</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/unacaritafeliz/pseuds/unacaritafeliz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I’m in love with you. I’m in love with both of you. I didn’t even realise I could love one person like this, let alone two, though I know polyamory is something you both have talked about before. And I know you must be thinking, why didn’t I say something about this to you at literally any point during the ten years you spent in the Fire Nation instead of putting it in a letter that you’ll never read now that you’re gone? Well the truth is quite simple. I’m a fucking idiot.</p><p>[five times Zuko writes Sokka &amp; Suki a letter he doesn't send, and one time he delivers the message in person].</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Suki/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Suki/Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Avatar Rarepair Exchange 2021</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>words i can(not) say</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/dumbwhorism/gifts">dumbwhorism</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Day 2, Month 8, 112AG</strong>
</p>
<p></p><div class="zuko">
  <p>
  <span>Dear Sokka and Suki,</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>This feels so stupid, writing a letter that I know I’m never going to send. Uncle suggested it to me years ago as a means of working through my feelings in a “healthy” way, but I’ve never actually tried it before. Usually, being with either of you is enough to help me get through whatever feelings I might have, but that’s obviously not going to help here. So whatever, I’ll try this, I guess, even though I don’t think it’ll help. I’ll burn this letter when I’m done with it anyway, so it’s not like it’ll have any repercussions anyway.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Here’s the thing. I’m angry that you’re leaving. I know I have no right to be. Not only are you both fully grown people that can do whatever the fuck you want to do with your lives, but we’ve all always known you’d eventually leave. Sokka has never been shy about the fact that his ambassadorship would only be a stepping stone to being chief of the Southern Water Tribe and Suki’s always made it clear that she’d leave when Sokka did to help disadvantaged communities in other parts of the world… So it’s not a surprise you’re going, but I... I guess I just wasn’t expecting you to leave so soon? I know the timing is right, with Chief Bato breaking his leg and Chief Hakoda needing your help but… I don’t know. It just feels like you’re leaving me behind, I guess.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I know that’s unfair, but it’s how I feel. You are the only two people who have ever stayed with me, apart from Uncle that is, and even he’s not here with me anymore. You’re my best friends. I care about you both so much and I know you care about me. From accompanying me to meetings, to dragging me to dinner, to sparring with me to get rid of my excess energy… you two have done everything for me and I hope I’ve done even half as much for you. And it does kind of feel like none of it even matters to you, because you’ve so easily chosen to leave it all behind and go live your new lives in the South Pole without me. And I know you don’t mean it like that. But it still hurts.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I won’t tell you any of this, of course. That wouldn’t be fair at all, because this isn’t either of your faults, and it’s not your responsibility to deal with my feelings like this. And besides, I am honestly, genuinely, happy for you both. You’re my best friends, and you’re going to do such amazing things in the South Pole. I just wish you didn’t have to leave me behind in order to do them.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I guess all I can really do now is make the most of the week I have before you both leave. If I could I would take the entire week off, just spend it in the gardens with the two of you, talking and sparring and getting all your favourite Fire Nation food sent out from the kitchen. I know it won’t happen. I have so many meetings I’ll be lucky to find even a moment to be with you before you go. I’ll make it work though. I promise.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Sometimes being the Fire Lord fucking sucks, just so you know. Or, maybe you don’t know since I’m not sending you this bullshit letter anyway. Writing it was so stupid. It didn’t help at all.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Whatever, I guess,</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Zuko.</span>
</p>
</div><hr/><p>
  <strong>Day 10, Month 8, 112AG</strong>
</p>
<p></p><div class="zuko">
  <p>
  <span>Dear Sokka and Suki,</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I know I said that it was stupid to write letters that I don’t intend to send, and I stand by that wholeheartedly, but… I realised something yesterday and it’s all I can think about. It’s obviously not something I can talk about with anyone, so I’m writing it down here in the hopes that once I say it, I’ll be able to move on from it.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I’m in love with you. I’m in love with both of you. I didn’t even realise I could love one person like this, let alone two, though I know polyamory is something you both have talked about before. And I know you must be thinking, why didn’t I say something about this to you at literally any point during the ten years you spent in the Fire Nation instead of putting it in a letter that you’ll never read now that you’re gone? Well the truth is quite simple. I’m a fucking idiot.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>In my defense, I’ve never really had a lot of close friends before so I thought it was just friendship, the brightness I felt whenever either of you were around, the sadness I felt when I found out you were leaving me behind. But when we were out on the docks yesterday, and Suki told me she loved me as she hugged me goodbye, the realisation hit me like lightning - and you know I have enough experience to know that’s an apt comparison. I know Suki meant it platonically, but I found that I didn’t return the feeling platonically, and that I hadn’t for years. And when I looked up at Sokka, smiling and waiting for his turn to say goodbye, I found I felt almost exactly the same about him; slightly shifted maybe, but just as strong and just as romantic.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I stayed up all night thinking about it, trying to work out where my feelings started. I can’t really pinpoint it, but I think they’ve been around in some capacity since before the end of the war - since the Boiling Rock for Sokka, and maybe Ember Island for Suki. They obviously weren’t as strong then, but they were still there. It’s fucking ridiculous really, that I’ve been in love with you for twelve years and my brain only decided to alert me of the fact when it was too late to do anything about it.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I mean maybe that’s a little dramatic. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> too late to do anything about it, but it’s not like it would have worked out anyway. For one thing it’s geographically impossible, since neither of you could stay in the Fire Nation forever and I cannot permanently leave it. And for another thing… Why would either of you want me anyway? You have each other and your relationship is perfect and I’d just ruin it. Not to mention that I’ve done unspeakably horrible things to you both in the past - and I know you’ve forgiven me, but I also know that it means you couldn’t ever be with me because of it. And I know I have no one to blame for it but myself.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Even so, it feels like pretty shit timing that I only realised I loved you as you were saying goodbye. Anyway I guess there’s nothing much else I can do about it. I just wanted to say it, even if you’ll never get to read it.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Yours,</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Zuko.</span>
</p>
</div><hr/><p>
  <strong>Day 15, Month 8, 112AG</strong>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="zuko">
  <p>
  <span>Dear Sokka and Suki,</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>You might like to know that you still manage to distract me from my Fire Lord duties, even now that you’re halfway across the world. I had that important meeting with the Minister of Trade from Omashu today and I have no fucking idea what happened because I was too busy thinking about the two of you.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I really miss you. I knew I would of course, but it’s worse than I imagined. Every time one of my advisors say something dumb in a meeting, I look up for Suki’s eyeroll and lock eyes with Head Guard Hama’s deadpan stare instead. Every time I read something confusing in a scroll, I turn around for Sokka’s opinion, just to find an empty office. It feels like I’m missing a limb, like a literal part of my body is gone. I know that sounds dramatic, but no one else is going to read this letter, so I think I’m allowed to be a little dramatic.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Missing you has really made me reminisce on all the memories we have together, which is both sappy and embarrassing and I won’t admit it out loud to anyone ever. It really does surprise me that I didn’t realise that I love you before - I know I’m an idiot, but it is really, ridiculously obvious now that I’m looking for it. I craved your attention so much, and I always wanted to make you feel happy and comfortable and safe in the Fire Nation with me. I think I might have an idea of why I misinterpreted my feelings so badly though - I always thought the way I felt about you was the way people feel about their friends, because it’s the way I thought you felt about me.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>There’s a part of me convinced that I must have been wrong, that we must have felt differently, because there’s no way either of you could have felt this way about me. But… I can’t deny that the signs of you returning my affections are there. There are things you both did for me, and with me, that seem to straddle the line between friendship and romance, that seem so different to the way you treat your other friends. And you both told me you were polyamorous on so many occasions that I can’t help but feel like it might have been a hint that I was just too dumb to notice? Or maybe it was something innocent and I’m just seeing what I want to see. As much as I act like it doesn’t matter, I really do wish that you both like me too, and that could be clouding my judgement. No one likes it when their crush is unrequited, even when it could never work out anyway.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I just keep thinking about the night you told me you were leaving. I told you to go to dinner so I could be emo in my study in peace and Sokka asked me if we could talk about it more and I, like an idiot, asked what else there was to talk about. At the time it seemed so obvious that you had already made your decision and there was nothing I could’ve said to change that, but now I can’t help wondering what you wanted to say. </span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I know it wouldn’t have changed anything, but I think I would’ve liked to know anyway.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Yours,</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Zuko.</span>
</p>
</div><hr/><p>
  <strong>Day 24, Month 8, 112AG</strong>
</p>
<p></p><div class="zuko">
  <p>
  <span>Dear Sokka and Suki,</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I can't believe you didn't stay here an extra few weeks just so you could go to the Fire Lily festival this year. You both used to love it so much, which makes sense considering it’s mostly just food, shopping, and dancing, which you both love. I keep thinking back to the times we went together - thinking of how pretty Suki looked with Fire Lilies in her hair, how endearing Sokka was shoving a whole stick of Komodo-Chicken in his mouth. It kind of feels like we went to the festival on dates, even though it never felt that way at the time. Hindsight can be so weird.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I spent last night with the Ambassadors and Kyoshi Warriors. It was a lot of fun, even though it would’ve been much better with you. You were right about Kurrida, by the way, Sokka. She’s a wonderful Ambassador for the SWT and she’s quickly becoming a close and trusted friend of mine. It’s just… I can’t help but wish you were still Ambassador instead. I’m trying not to let it show. It wouldn’t be fair to Kurrida at all.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I went with Uncle tonight, since he came from Ba Sing Se to surprise me. I swear Uncle has some kind of built in Zuko Angst radar, since he always comes when he's needed. I love seeing him, of course, but I wish he would just say what he wants to say, without trying to wrap it up in some anecdote that sounds kind of cool but is too fucking hard to understand.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Like tonight, he kept going on and on about the beauty of Fire Lilies, and how lucky we are that Agni blesses us with them, even if it is only for a short moment each year. Except he didn’t say it like that, but I don’t remember the ridiculously poetic phrase he used. I told him it would be kinder of Agni to bless us with them permanently, but he just smiled that really smug Uncle smile of his, like I was missing something obvious to everyone else.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>And like, sure that makes sense for Fire Lilies, I guess. We only admire their beauty, so it doesn’t matter if they’re only available part of the time. But if you were, like, emotionally invested in Fire Lilies then it would hurt like hell when they stopped blooming. If you cared about the Fire Lily enough, surely it’s better, kinder, to not have it at all, than it would be to say goodbye to it so frequently, to spend so long without it, wondering how it is, and if it’s still thinking about you.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Ugh. This isn’t about the Fire Lilies. Of course it’s not about the Fire Lilies. I just… I don’t know. The more I think about it, the less sure I am about what I want or what I should do. I thought writing it down would make it easier to understand, but I am more confused than ever. What would actually be helpful is talking about it with you - the actual you, not just this fake version of you I’m writing to - but I obviously can’t do that. I don’t know what else I can do.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I really hope you two are thinking about me too. It would really suck if I was the only one angsting about this.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Yours,</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Zuko.</span>
</p>
</div><hr/><p>
  <strong>Day 30, Month 8, 112AG</strong>
</p>
<p></p><div class="zuko">
  <p>
  <span>Dear Sokka and Suki,</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Travelling to the SWT always feels weird. It never fails to remind me of the first time I visited, back when I, you know, threatened Gran Gran, tried to capture Aang, beat the shit out of Sokka, and had that awful fucking ponytail. Going to Kyoshi Island feels even worse, for obvious reasons, so maybe I should be glad the two of you didn’t move there, at least. I know you’ve both forgiven me and that we’ve all sort of moved on from the past, but I still feel bad about it. And it doesn’t make doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> any easier. </span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Contrary to what Uncle may think, it’s not because of his weird Fire Lily story that I decided to come visit you. It was because of Mai, and how happy she was when she came to visit Ty Lee, even though she was only here for a week. I saw her actually smiling and I just thought… maybe we could be that happy. I want us to be that happy. I want to be with you, both of you, even if it’s hard, or imperfect. I don’t really know how the two of you feel - about me, or about long distance, or about anything really - but I can’t make my decisions based on what I think you want or deserve. I can only tell you my feelings, and let you decide what to do with them. So that’s why I’m coming, to tell you how I feel.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>And also Mai told me to “just fucking go already, Zuko,” and I’m in no position to argue with her.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>I have no idea what I’m going to do or say when I get to the South Pole. You both know better than anyone that I’m never smart enough to plan ahead and far too awkward to improvise. I kind of thought I’d come up with a plan whilst on the ship but so far I’ve done nothing but angst about it. I’m almost tempted to just put my feelings into a letter and actually give it to you for once. That would be so much easier for all three of us to deal with, but you both deserve so much better. You deserve me being brave, and so I will be. As soon as I can find the right words.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Logically, I know that nothing bad is going to happen. The worst case is that you don’t feel the same way, we spend a few awkward days together and then I come home to the Fire Nation just as alone as I was before I left. I know you both well enough to know that, at the very least, you will not respond with cruelty, and that we will still remain friends, no matter what happens. Still, it’s not an easy thing to do, telling my two best friends that I’m in love with them and was too stupid to realise it until they left. Although, I guess my stupidity won’t surprise you. You both know me well enough by now.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>In any case, it’ll be nice to see you again. I’ve really missed you both. Maybe we should start actually writing to each other more, regardless of what happens in the next few days. It’d be nice, if this could be the last letter I write and never send you.</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Yours,</span>
</p>
  <p>
  <span>Zuko.</span>
</p>
</div><hr/><p>
  <strong>Day 1, Month 9, 112AG</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>"You ready for bed, Zu?" Sokka asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's Zuko's second night in the South Pole, it's just the three of them sitting around the fire in Chief Hakoda's igloo, and Zuko can tell it's not the question Sokka wanted to ask. He knows Sokka and Suki must be curious as to why he’s come to visit so soon after they left, but they haven’t pressured him into talking before he’s ready. And Zuko’s still not ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not sure if he ever will be, to be honest. He’s tempted to just delay the conversation until the day before he’s supposed to leave, so he can just run away from the messy fallout in case they turn him down. It would certainly be easier, but it feels counterproductive. If they say yes, then he wants as much time with them as he can before he has to go home, and that means he has to tell them now, regardless of if he’s ready or not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not yet," says Zuko, quietly. "I kind of wanted to talk to you both about something, if you're willing to stay up a little longer."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suki smiles at him, and Zuko feels something in his chest flutter at how lovely she is. "Of course," she says. "Do you want to stay here, or shall we go to the room in our wing?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka and Suki have their own little house, connected by a small snow passage to Chief Hakoda’s. Their living room is small and intimate, and carries a much smaller risk of being overheard by Sokka’s fathers, his grandmother or, god forbid, Katara.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s move,” Zuko says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They quickly tidy the room and move down the passage into Sokka and Suki’s small space. Sokka pulls out blankets for them while Zuko lights a fire and Suki grabs a teapot and a plate of kale cookies from their kitchen. They wait for the tea to boil in silence, sitting on the same side of the fire, covered in blankets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka and Suki are somehow both giving Zuko their full attention and his own space at the same time. Zuko waits until he’s got a cup of tea in his hand before he takes a deep breath and speaks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s about the Fire Lilies,” he says, and then immediately takes a large gulp of tea before he can say anything else stupid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka and Suki look confused, which makes sense because what Zuko had said makes no sense to anyone but him. Still, they’re not looking at him like he’s lost his mind, so he turns his gaze to the fire, puts his teacup down, and tries again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s not about the Fire Lilies, exactly. It’s just…. You know how the Fire Lilies bloom once a year? And it’s beautiful, but then they’re gone, right? And that’s sad, but just because you can’t have them all the time doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have them at all. I mean, you two missed the festival this year so maybe it’s not the same for you but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko’s ramblings are interrupted by two small, soft hands taking his right hand gently. He looks over at Suki, kneeling next to him with her teacup by her knees. She’s smiling at him, soft and a little encouraging, and there’s something vaguely hopeful shining in her eyes. She makes him feel brave. They’ve both always made him feel brave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I mean to say is, I like you,” he says. He glances over at Sokka, who’s watching him with a similar expression to Suki’s. “Both of you, I mean. And I know it won’t be perfect because you have to stay here, and I have to be in the Fire Nation but if there’s any chance for us at all then I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suki brings one hand up to rest on his unscarred cheek, and Zuko looks up at her, his breath caught in his throat. She’s so close to him, and she’s so beautiful and he loves her so much. He can’t believe there was ever a time he looked at her and didn’t know it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zuko,” she breathes. “Can I kiss you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko exhales shakily. “Suki,” he says. His voice is barely more than a whisper. “I… did you hear what I said? I can’t stay here, I have to…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard you, Zuko,” she interrupts. Her thumb rubs gentle circles against his cheekbone. “I heard you, and I’m asking if I can kiss you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko leans forward to kiss her himself, unable to hold back any longer. Suki makes a delightful, surprised noise against his lips before leaning into the kiss, bringing her other hand up to his scarred cheek as her warm, firm lips move against his. Zuko feels warmth spread through his body, even warmer than his firebending. Kissing Suki feels right, it feels like coming home. He doesn’t think he could ever get enough of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, that’s enough,” Sokka says after a moment, from closer than Zuko expected and Suki is suddenly moved to the side. Zuko looks up at Sokka in surprise. He had assumed Suki wouldn’t have kissed him if it wasn’t okay with Sokka, but Sokka’s tone puts him on edge. He only has a moment to panic, before Sokka’s kneeling in front of him, reaching for his face. “I want to kiss him too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time it’s Zuko who makes the surprised noise, as Sokka closes the distance between them, pulling Zuko into a bruising kiss. It’s a different kiss to Suki’s - it’s harder, more desperate, and contains so much more tongue - but it feels just as good, just as right as hers did. One of Zuko's hands is entangled with Suki’s and he holds tight, wishing he could stay in this moment forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Sokka finally pulls away, he’s out of breath and smiling. Zuko can’t help but smile back. He knows they’re still far from their happy ending, knows they have so much more they need to talk about, but he’s just kissed the two people he loves the most. The rest of it can wait.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like me,” he says, and Sokka’s grin grows even wider. Zuko looks over to Suki, and she’s smiling too. “You both actually like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka takes his free hand, and reaches his other hand out to Suki, so that they’re sitting in a circle, all holding hands. It feels so natural to be a part of this, a part of them. Zuko can’t believe he’s denied himself this for so long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve liked you forever, Zuko,” Sokka says, rubbing his thumb in circles against the back of Zuko’s hand. “I can’t believe you didn’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko laughs, a little breathlessly. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of hearing them say it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Turns out I’m really bad at feelings,” he admits. “I didn’t even realise that I liked the two of you until the day you left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suki's hand tightens in his. "Really?“ she asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," Zuko confirms. He looks into her eyes, shining and warm. “Don’t know how I missed it really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suki gets onto her knees so she can kiss him again. “God,” she says, when she pulls back, leaving him breathless. “I like you so much, Zu.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko can’t stop smiling. “I like you too,” he says. He looks at Sokka. “Both of you. I’m sorry it took me so long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka shakes his head. “You’re here now,” he says. “That’s enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That brings Zuko back to reality a little. He’s here now, but he has to go home at the end of the week, and he knows Suki had acknowledged it but that doesn’t mean they’re all on the same page about what it really means. Liking each other is great, it’s more than Zuko thought possible, but it’s not enough on it’s own. He learned that the hard way with Mai, and he won't let his friendship with Sokka and Suki suffer the same way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it enough?” he asks, looking between them. “You both mean so much to me, and I’m willing to make the best of whatever time we can have together, but I don’t want to disappoint you by not being around when you need me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suki smiles. “We know it won’t be easy, Zuko,” she says. “But we’ll make it work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We will,” Sokka agrees. “And I don’t think it’ll be as bad as you think. We’ll see each other every other month at least, when we have to go for international conferences and diplomatic meetings. And I’m sure Suki and I can come and visit you at other times in the year as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And,” adds Suki, “when you finally abolish the monarchy like you’ve been talking about, you’ll be free to move wherever you want. Including here, if you think you can get used to the cold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For Sokka and Suki, Zuko could get used to a lot more than just the cold. Still… his dream to abolish the monarchy is so far away from being a reality. His advisors are unanimously opposed to it, and his people aren’t fond of the straying from tradition either. Not to mention the disastrous consequences of having the wrong person elected to lead the Fire Nation, which could throw the world straight back into war.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko hates being the Fire Lord, but he’ll stay in the role as long as he needs to if it will save his people, if it would help the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I can’t abolish the monarchy?” he asks. “I don’t want to give you false expectations of what the future will be like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you don’t abolish the monarchy,” says Sokka, squeezing Zuko’s hand. “I don’t think we need to plan for every situation that could possibly happen, Zuko. I think as long as we’re happy with where we’re at now, we can work out the rest when we get there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suki snorts. “Wow, Sokka's willing to do something without a plan?” she asks. “He must really love you, Zuko.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko’s heart stutters over the word ‘love’ but Sokka hardly even notices. “I said we didn’t need a plan for every situation,” he defends. “Not that I didn’t have a plan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, of course </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> have a plan,” Suki teases.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck off, Suki,” Sokka says, laughing. And then he leans over to kiss her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both keep one hand tangled with Zuko's, even as their free hands come up to grasp each other's faces, kissing each other sweetly, familiarly. Zuko's seen them kiss before, of course, and he's always felt a little sad watching them. At first he thought he’d just been jealous of their perfect relationship while he was alone, but he’s lately realised he was probably feeling some more personal jealousy towards both of them too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn't feel sad about it now, though. Watching Sokka and Suki kiss feels just as right as kissing them himself and Zuko's so overwhelmed by how much he loves them, by how desperately he wants to make them happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then he ruins the moment by yawning. Loudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka pulls back from Suki with a giggle. "Are we boring you, Zuko?" he asks, shuffling over to pull Zuko into his own sweet kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as tired as Zuko is, he's not going to turn down a kiss. He loops his arms around Sokka’s shoulders and pulls him into a kiss that’s slightly less sweet than what he thinks Sokka was going for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course not," Zuko says, when they separate. "I'm just a little tired after…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Talking about your feelings?" Suki teases.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko keeps his arms around Sokka, but leans back so he can shoot Suki a glare that has no real heat behind it. "After being dragged all over the South Pole on a fishing trip this morning," he corrects.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't know why you're tired when I did all the work," Sokka says. "But I agree that we should go to sleep. We can talk more in the morning."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulls away from Zuko to get his feet. He stretches out his muscles, no doubt trying to show off how good he looks, and holds out a hand to both Suki and Zuko. When they take it, he pulls them to their feet and into a tight group hug, squishing them both against his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm really glad we worked this out," Sokka murmurs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too,” Suki says. She squirms, just enough to dislodge an arm from where it’s stuck between their chests and throws it around Zuko, pulling him in closer to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko can hardly breathe, can hardly think about anything except for the strength of Suki’s arm, the firmness of Sokka’s chest. "Yeah,” he says, words muffled by Sokka’s shirt. “Me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stay like that for a few moments, before Sokka yawns and they break apart giggling. They quickly tidy the room, extinguish the fire, and move towards their bedrooms. Zuko pauses at the door of his guest room, right across the hall from Sokka and Suki’s bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I’ll see you in the morning,” he says. He turns to open the door but a hand catches his wrist and tugs him back to face Sokka and Suki.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to come sleep with us?" Suki asks, eyes soft and inviting. "Just to sleep, I mean. We’ll understand if you want some time alone but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’ll come,” Zuko says, not even caring about how eager he sounds. He really wants to make the most of his time here. “Just let me change and I’ll come, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Suki agrees. She leans in to kiss his unscarred cheek quickly before they disappear into their room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko ducks into his own room and sits down on his bed, just to take a moment to collect himself and breathe. Just a few weeks ago he thought he’d lost the most important people in his life forever, and now he gets to be with them, and kiss them, and sleep in the same bed as them. He can’t believe how lucky he is. He can’t stop smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heads into the bathroom, grinning at his reflection as he brushes his teeth, washes his face and puts ointment on his scar. Then he changes into his night clothes and walks across the hall to knock on the door to Sokka and Suki’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in,” Sokka calls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko walks in just in time to catch a glimpse of Sokka’s toned, brown stomach before he puts his nightshirt over the top of it. He drags his gaze up to Sokka’s face, blushing when he realises Sokka has his hair down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See something you like?” Sokka asks, winking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko looks away, horrified. “Shut up, Sokka," he says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, Suki chooses this moment to emerge from the bathroom, looking deceptively sweet in a green set of pyjamas. She glances between the boys with a grin, but doesn’t say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Bathroom's free, Sokka," she says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka kisses Suki’s head on his way past her into the bathroom, and Zuko breathes a little easier when the door shuts behind him. Suki makes her way over to the bed, pulling the elastic out of her hair as she walks. She sits on the bed and looks up at Zuko.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” she says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko hesitates. “Hey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suki rolls her eyes and pulls him onto the bed, situating him on his unscarred side, clearly having learnt this particular sleeping preference of his from all the nights she spent guarding him as he slept. He lifts his head a little, just enough that his one functioning ear isn’t completely pressed into the pillow, and looks up at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hope you don’t mind being the middle spoon,” she says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko can’t think of anything he’d like better than being squished between Sokka and Suki for the rest of his life. “I guess I can suffer through it,” he tells her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suki laughs and leans in to kiss him gently on the lips. She turns around to lie in front of him, her back pressed against his chest, and pulls his arm over her to rest against her stomach. Zuko looks at her hair in confusion. He certainly wouldn’t have guessed that Suki was the little spoon, but it does kind of make sense. She’s the perfect size for it at least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The silence they lie in is broken when the bathroom door opens. “Aren’t you two cute?” Sokka coos. He slides under the cover, behind Zuko. “Do you think you can get the lights for us, Zu?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko sighs, exaggeratedly. “Oh I see,” he complains, even as he plunges the room into darkness with a swish of his hand. “You’re only using me for my firebending.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Sokka agrees, leaning in to press a soft kiss behind Zuko’s scarred ear. “That’s all it is, babe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko smiles, feeling his face flush slightly at the nickname. “You’re lucky I like you,” he says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Sokka says, wrapping his arm around both Zuko and Suki, resting his hand on top of their joined ones on Suki’s stomach. “But you’re lucky I like you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we’re all really lucky,” Suki murmurs. “Can we go to bed now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko laughs, and settles into the bed, closing his eyes and pressing his face into Suki’s hair. He feels happier than he has in a long time, even knowing that it won’t always feel as perfect as it does now. Being with Sokka and Suki will take a lot of work, and a lot of patience, and a hell of a lot of letters he’s going to have to actually send instead of keeping in a box under his bed, but he knows he’ll do everything he can to make it work and he knows Sokka and Suki will too. And that's enough, for now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still smiling, Zuko lets himself drift off to sleep.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you liked this <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzukka">suzukka</a>! Your prompt was absolutely perfect for this story, which I've been meaning to write for a little while. It ended up completely different to what I originally imagined, but I'm very happy with how it turned out and I hope you are too.</p><p>If you enjoyed this, you might also enjoy my other post-canon Zukki letter writing fic <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28284387">I love you, and I miss you constantly</a>.</p><p>Thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/torkz/pseuds/torkz">Torkz</a> and <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativityobsessed/pseuds/creativityobsessed">creativityobsessed</a> for beta reading, to <a href="https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/11549178/chapters/25935135">La_Temperanza</a> for providing the code for the letter formatting, and to everyone who read this! Please leave a comment if you liked it!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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